Thrown for a Loop

So today started out good and ended up horribly but with a sliver of hope. Breakfast with the Sam cuz i didn't get to see him after i fixed my computer yesterday(yes windows is bad and sent out a crappy update that screwed up tons of people's+mine computers but it's fixed!) and after that i had to deal with IT and get my wireless fixed that they messed with in the first place so i'm officially smarter in the way of computers but am never going back to IT for any help unless i forget my password.
So i was missing him all day long and i suffered through classes and when i was hanging out with him, i wanted to kiss him because that is the deciding factor for me and after like an hour, i was interrupted by Taylor(love you!) calling me to let her in to the building cuzs she forgot her ID lol so i tell her and she lets me go back to his room. I finally get the guts and kiss him, but it was awful. I knew immediately that i would have to stop what i had restarted which is painful because i don't like hurting people who really haven't done anything wrong but i hope that He can give me the courage to deal with it correctly although no one is perfect.
So i go to the Navigators' meeting and when we start singing, i break down into tears because i realize that my mom could come up to see me this weekend but i told her not to because 1) i would rather go to see her and 2) i thought i would be spending it with the boy but that crashed and burned. So now idk what to do and i just dread this weekend but now i'm starting to cry so i change the subject...
I made another friend who i hope is a true friend because she has not freaked out about who i told her i truly was and she understands that right now my faith in Him is shaky because i don't want to worship him but i want to have that want...i just don't right now and it upsets me because it's just not there and i can't explain it. I am questioning my faith and it's hard but i just need to wait for it to decide itself i guess.