So today is To Write Love on Her Arms Day. I wrote the word love on my arms because many people have addictions and pain they cannot deal with so they inflict pain on themselves, on their arms or with drug abuse. Instead of cutting, we write Love on our arms to show the world that we care and make them aware of this growing problem in today's screwy society. Most people cannot find healing and struggle forever until something snaps.
I was able to find healing in the Lord and for that i am forever grateful.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
New Sunrise
So life has been amazing lately...sure I have schoolwork that gets on my nerves. Especially spanish, it's only the teacher but she drives me crazy!
I register for classes on wednesday and I already know one class time that I hope to get in because my best friend is in that class and I want to be in there so I some more incentive to go even though I wouldn't not go.
My boyfriend is amazing; I find more out about him each and everyday and we become more comfortable around each other each day which is optimistic. It has only been a short time but I feel like I have known him for so much longer. I am scared when he meets my mom which is in two weeks when she comes to pick me up for Thanksgiving....I get to go home in 15 days! I am very excited because I haven't been home since I moved in here and I haven't seen my sister since moving in here...sure I have talked with her on Skype but I want to see her in person because she is my other half and understands me for the most part.
I know my mom will love him because he is doing better than the last boy which is a brownie point for him. I don't think they disliked the last one except for his tendency to not be on time which the current boy does not have and I love that about him. Everything is turning out for the better and I can only thank my lucky stars and the Lord that it has and hope that it will continue to be this good.
I register for classes on wednesday and I already know one class time that I hope to get in because my best friend is in that class and I want to be in there so I some more incentive to go even though I wouldn't not go.
My boyfriend is amazing; I find more out about him each and everyday and we become more comfortable around each other each day which is optimistic. It has only been a short time but I feel like I have known him for so much longer. I am scared when he meets my mom which is in two weeks when she comes to pick me up for Thanksgiving....I get to go home in 15 days! I am very excited because I haven't been home since I moved in here and I haven't seen my sister since moving in here...sure I have talked with her on Skype but I want to see her in person because she is my other half and understands me for the most part.
I know my mom will love him because he is doing better than the last boy which is a brownie point for him. I don't think they disliked the last one except for his tendency to not be on time which the current boy does not have and I love that about him. Everything is turning out for the better and I can only thank my lucky stars and the Lord that it has and hope that it will continue to be this good.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
It's been awhile
So i realize that i haven't posted in a long long time but soo much has happened lately. Here is the condensed version.
Found a way of dealing with my crazy emotions, got closer to my best friend, became more outgoing and comfortable with people i don't know very well. turned 19, saw my parents, lots of homework...now for the big surprise.
this last tuesday, i had lunch with a very cute boy who i decided to start talking to but was sure he was too good for me. fell for him automatically and at dinner noticed how he was complimenting me. thursday, had lunch but missed him at dinner which stressed me out so my best friend called his friend and we coordinated to go play cards in his friend's room. she left and i was with them. we played cards then went to play some pool and he was obviously flirting so I was on cloud nine! later that night, heading back to the dorms I wanted to go to bed but he wouldn't let me and followed me to my room but i sensed something wasn't done yet. we talked for another hour and he likes me but there were four other girls who had made their intentions known to him and he chose me! so friday we went on a date...
The Date:
He took me to a movie which was really gory but i chose it and regretted it soon after but it was early after the movie finished so he drove me into the mountains up to this overlook of the city, it was sooo romantic! it took my breath away. we talked for two hours and went back to campus but we weren't ready to leave yet. we stayed in his car in the parking garage for yet another hour and then he kissed me because i wanted a response to how i felt about him, whether he felt the same or not. the next day we hung out and did homework for an hour and hung out for two(bad ratio but it's all good)and he said that the kiss was an obvious sign and i understood he wanted to date me. i made him leave so i could process everything and after dinner, i said yes! so he is the best guy in the world, strong and protective but not jealous, thinks just like me and will treat me way better than the last one especially since i get to see him everyday and he is just two floors below me in the dorms. he is older but only by a year and 4 months(to be exact) and he is the first guy i am completely comfortable around and can tell almost anything to, very understanding, and very very very attractive! WOOHOO!!!!!
Found a way of dealing with my crazy emotions, got closer to my best friend, became more outgoing and comfortable with people i don't know very well. turned 19, saw my parents, lots of homework...now for the big surprise.
this last tuesday, i had lunch with a very cute boy who i decided to start talking to but was sure he was too good for me. fell for him automatically and at dinner noticed how he was complimenting me. thursday, had lunch but missed him at dinner which stressed me out so my best friend called his friend and we coordinated to go play cards in his friend's room. she left and i was with them. we played cards then went to play some pool and he was obviously flirting so I was on cloud nine! later that night, heading back to the dorms I wanted to go to bed but he wouldn't let me and followed me to my room but i sensed something wasn't done yet. we talked for another hour and he likes me but there were four other girls who had made their intentions known to him and he chose me! so friday we went on a date...
The Date:
He took me to a movie which was really gory but i chose it and regretted it soon after but it was early after the movie finished so he drove me into the mountains up to this overlook of the city, it was sooo romantic! it took my breath away. we talked for two hours and went back to campus but we weren't ready to leave yet. we stayed in his car in the parking garage for yet another hour and then he kissed me because i wanted a response to how i felt about him, whether he felt the same or not. the next day we hung out and did homework for an hour and hung out for two(bad ratio but it's all good)and he said that the kiss was an obvious sign and i understood he wanted to date me. i made him leave so i could process everything and after dinner, i said yes! so he is the best guy in the world, strong and protective but not jealous, thinks just like me and will treat me way better than the last one especially since i get to see him everyday and he is just two floors below me in the dorms. he is older but only by a year and 4 months(to be exact) and he is the first guy i am completely comfortable around and can tell almost anything to, very understanding, and very very very attractive! WOOHOO!!!!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The lovely smells
so i have been noticing that my nose picks up smells more now. I pick out smells that remind me of home. right now it smells like missouri in the summer time when my sister and i would catch fireflies at night. Specifically at my grandma's house in the middle of nowhere, not at any of my other relatives houses...actually also my aunt's house when she used to live in a certain area before she moved.
Then it changed to the smell after a rain when the dirt was wet and i went running or for a walk in the woods.
In the mornings, it smells like home when i go out early in the morning during the winter on weekends to get the paper because i woke up before my parents and wanted those precious comics that would start my day off. sweet sweet smells of my past that i cherish sincerely and love to savor, stopping to look around and pause in my busy day, until my nose gets tired or i come back to reality.
Then it changed to the smell after a rain when the dirt was wet and i went running or for a walk in the woods.
In the mornings, it smells like home when i go out early in the morning during the winter on weekends to get the paper because i woke up before my parents and wanted those precious comics that would start my day off. sweet sweet smells of my past that i cherish sincerely and love to savor, stopping to look around and pause in my busy day, until my nose gets tired or i come back to reality.
Friday, October 2, 2009
A WhirlWind of a Week
So this week was crazy. At the beginning it was pretty calm academically, but social wise it was crazy.
my best friend had a lovely night with a boy i like who she is good friends with which sorta broke my heart so i yelled at her and she broke down. I then went to talk to the boy in question and he was a complete dick to me so i decided i didn't like him anymore because we don't have any of the same ideals. i talked to my guy friend about it and it helped.
The rest of the week proceeded smoothly until thursday when homework hit me like a ton of bricks. I stressed out and due to the lovely gift that mother earth bestows upon women, i had a panic attack and had to go to my friend's room for him to calm me down until it passed. I don't know where i would be without him, he completely relaxes me and i don't have to impress him because being myself does anyway and that's how i want to feel around my future husband but that goes without saying.
After so said panic attack, I hung out and when back to my room where i went to bed early and slept very well. Friday morning, I woke up early and went to breakfast, then wrote my english paper and got ready, all before 10am which made me feel good and productive. now i am less stressed but still homesick, hoping to deal with it somehow, praying to the Lord to help me which He has been doing a fabulous job of doing so far.
He has been answering my prayers left and right in ways i could not imagine. He is helping my bff with her boy problems and her roommate problems(she is moving out!) so i am very grateful.
Last night's dream was fabulous! It doesn't really make sense but it had two elements i love in it: puppies and a hot boy. The puppy turned into the hot boy but that's just the strange nature of dreams and i didn't care. I woke up far too soon for my liking but that's also the unfortunate nature of dreams. May the Lord bless each and everyone and help us all throughout our weekends and into the next week.
my best friend had a lovely night with a boy i like who she is good friends with which sorta broke my heart so i yelled at her and she broke down. I then went to talk to the boy in question and he was a complete dick to me so i decided i didn't like him anymore because we don't have any of the same ideals. i talked to my guy friend about it and it helped.
The rest of the week proceeded smoothly until thursday when homework hit me like a ton of bricks. I stressed out and due to the lovely gift that mother earth bestows upon women, i had a panic attack and had to go to my friend's room for him to calm me down until it passed. I don't know where i would be without him, he completely relaxes me and i don't have to impress him because being myself does anyway and that's how i want to feel around my future husband but that goes without saying.
After so said panic attack, I hung out and when back to my room where i went to bed early and slept very well. Friday morning, I woke up early and went to breakfast, then wrote my english paper and got ready, all before 10am which made me feel good and productive. now i am less stressed but still homesick, hoping to deal with it somehow, praying to the Lord to help me which He has been doing a fabulous job of doing so far.
He has been answering my prayers left and right in ways i could not imagine. He is helping my bff with her boy problems and her roommate problems(she is moving out!) so i am very grateful.
Last night's dream was fabulous! It doesn't really make sense but it had two elements i love in it: puppies and a hot boy. The puppy turned into the hot boy but that's just the strange nature of dreams and i didn't care. I woke up far too soon for my liking but that's also the unfortunate nature of dreams. May the Lord bless each and everyone and help us all throughout our weekends and into the next week.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Curiosities
Ever wonder why there is always more shampoo than conditioner in a set? i do and i think it's upsetting but i don't really worry about it because it doesn't matter. It just always sparks my memory every time i take a shower and use shampoo and conditioner.
Last night was amazing! i was upset so i called up a friend and he was playing cards with friends so i went and joined and then we went to dinner where i had a fabulously intelligent conversation with another boy about politics and religion and the best part of that was that we totally don't agree at all but we weren't fighting, we were just debating and it was nice. Usually diverse opinions end up fighting, at least in my world.
Then i got changed and we went swimming which was a blast especially since two of the guys were very attractive but friendly and i finally relaxed and had lots of fun! i came out of my bubble for once and it was nice. then my friend came over and helped me rearrange my room which turned out to be impossible because there was only one possibility for furniture arrangement in my room as i soon found out but he didn't care as he helped me move it all back.
I got an early b-day present and watched some of The Patriot before going to bed. I'm going to continue to hang out with this boy because although i don't have any intention of dating him, he is fun to hang out with and i like his group of people because they have fun without getting drunk and going crazy, what a concept.
Thank you Lord for helping me find these amazing people!
Last night was amazing! i was upset so i called up a friend and he was playing cards with friends so i went and joined and then we went to dinner where i had a fabulously intelligent conversation with another boy about politics and religion and the best part of that was that we totally don't agree at all but we weren't fighting, we were just debating and it was nice. Usually diverse opinions end up fighting, at least in my world.
Then i got changed and we went swimming which was a blast especially since two of the guys were very attractive but friendly and i finally relaxed and had lots of fun! i came out of my bubble for once and it was nice. then my friend came over and helped me rearrange my room which turned out to be impossible because there was only one possibility for furniture arrangement in my room as i soon found out but he didn't care as he helped me move it all back.
I got an early b-day present and watched some of The Patriot before going to bed. I'm going to continue to hang out with this boy because although i don't have any intention of dating him, he is fun to hang out with and i like his group of people because they have fun without getting drunk and going crazy, what a concept.
Thank you Lord for helping me find these amazing people!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Resisting it at all costs
So after my friend comforted me i started to like him again(this is the third time) and i yelled at myself that i can't lead him on so i blatantly said to him that i could not date him for a number of reasons, one being that he has a girlfriend, albeit in a very shaky relationship. He still likes me and he said the sweetest thing any guy has ever said to me. "You know i like you and just want you to be happy". I almost cried.
I started talking to this other boy who asked if i was ok since i left early from dinner the night before and i said that yes i was but i know(did not say) that this wouldn't last forever and that i would soon plummet into another brief period of despair that will require all my strength not to do something harmful so i turn to candy and my best friend. this is a good time to turn to Him as well but sometimes i forget and i just pray that i can find the strength to keep going. my friends have not yet gotten tired of me but it has only been a month and although they are living with me, they have yet to see this once a month every month for a week at a time. We shall see.
my roommate who has become like a sister to me is leaving at the end of the semester but i know she is not meant for this type of college and will find it easier elsewhere. We will text a lot and she will come visit but it will be hard because she just listens and knows exactly what to do even though i may not know how to help her except for prayer.
This boy who i was talking to is scary but of course i like the usual bad boy and although he isn't religious and says he could never be i am praying for him and trying to help with anything i can. The sad thing is he likes my bff and she won't date him because of his wild antics that remind me of my ex in the slightest although more dangerous.
I have also been offered to move rooms into the room with my bff but there are several things to consider: leaving my current roommate, her suitemates are crazy but are toning it down, having my own room has it's upsides and i have started to get comfortable. this is a difficult decision and i can only hope that the decision i make will be the right one.
I started talking to this other boy who asked if i was ok since i left early from dinner the night before and i said that yes i was but i know(did not say) that this wouldn't last forever and that i would soon plummet into another brief period of despair that will require all my strength not to do something harmful so i turn to candy and my best friend. this is a good time to turn to Him as well but sometimes i forget and i just pray that i can find the strength to keep going. my friends have not yet gotten tired of me but it has only been a month and although they are living with me, they have yet to see this once a month every month for a week at a time. We shall see.
my roommate who has become like a sister to me is leaving at the end of the semester but i know she is not meant for this type of college and will find it easier elsewhere. We will text a lot and she will come visit but it will be hard because she just listens and knows exactly what to do even though i may not know how to help her except for prayer.
This boy who i was talking to is scary but of course i like the usual bad boy and although he isn't religious and says he could never be i am praying for him and trying to help with anything i can. The sad thing is he likes my bff and she won't date him because of his wild antics that remind me of my ex in the slightest although more dangerous.
I have also been offered to move rooms into the room with my bff but there are several things to consider: leaving my current roommate, her suitemates are crazy but are toning it down, having my own room has it's upsides and i have started to get comfortable. this is a difficult decision and i can only hope that the decision i make will be the right one.
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